Motherhood is a tough gig. It’s even harder when you’re presented with images of mums who seem to have it all together.
This blog isn’t a rant by any means.
Call it one exhausted mum powering away at her keyboard to share with you her own experiences navigating through the ups and downs of motherhood.
These are the things which when I reflect back, really did grind my gears.
Things that if I was to speak to a new mum I’d say to not worry about so much and to observe and power through anyway.
Our journeys are all unique but I’m curious, do any of these resonate with you?
6 things we should stop doing as mums
1. Stop comparing
Comparison comes with the territory of the mum job. It’s even more heightened by that beautiful red book of milestones. Is your baby smiling yet? Are they crawling? What about walking, not there yet?
Let’s stop comparing. Comparison is after all the thief of joy.
It’s harder than just saying it I know. But it also can create a lot of anxiety especially if you have had a premature baby or a baby where you’re not sure if they will develop any learning or development difficulties.
Embrace each day and month as a mum by being amazed by what they can do, and not what they can’t.
I remember how my daughter started to walk very early. In fact at 10 months so you could imagine how other mums felt when they saw her. They were worried about their own little ones.
I didn’t notice until then how much comparing can steal away the joy of motherhood.
The interesting thing is if you’d ask me how she was with eating, she wasn’t doing amazingly as some would tell me about their little one.
I was stressed out with getting her to eat.
We all have something which isn’t going as well as we had imagined it would.
2. Stop worrying about the birthing plan
Let’s start by saying that we shouldn’t judge mums on their birthing choices.
Whether you decide to have pain relief or not.
Whether you decide to have a home birth or be on the ward.
Or whether you decide to have an elective c-section or a natural birth.
There’s so much empowerment in choice as I learned from my own experience of my daughter being breech. Don’t let your birthing experience be devalued by other people’s expectations or perceptions.
The natural birth crew is something I was very much bought into but when my birthing plan was not going to be the ‘idyllic’ view I had of a water bath and no pain relief, well, you can how imagine how distraught I was.
The strange thing was, once I had tried everything from hypnotherapy to moxibustion to try and turn my little girl to be in the right position, I was calm.
This real sense of peace came over me. In fact, it surprised my husband how suddenly cool I was with the elective c-section.
The cool was easy.
The cool came from having tried everything and knowing my options.
I had the most incredible c-section experience.
So don’t stress the birthing plan, it will be alright.
3. Stop working ourselves up about our baby’s sleep
I think this one is a HOT topic, right? I write a lot about it on this blog but put simply what grinds my gears the most on this is how you can feel like you’re either falling short or winning the race.
It’s pretty cyclical to be honest.
I recall mums who had the best sleepers from 0 – 10 months but then after that, nightmare. And vice-versa.
The fact is, whether you decide to sleep train or not, let’s all embrace the very simple fact that we’re all trying to figure this sleep thing out.
I was so anti-sleep training even when I was so sleep deprived.
But I honestly felt so tapped out that I was willing to give anything a go and I did.
It was a game-changer for me. I recommend it to other mums too but I also caveat by saying it may not be for you.
I just knew at the point I sleep trained, it made sense.
So that question, ‘How’s baby sleeping?’. Maybe we should add our own experience of it to the end, so whatever stage that mum is at, she knows it’s totally normal.
Related reads:
The never-ending conversation about sleep
Thinking about trying the Peanut App for mums? Here’s my experience.
4. Stop taking on others (family and friend’s) opinions
It’s hard not to especially when you’re a first-time mum and you don’t have a clue on how to do things. Those that you love and respect, their opinions matter the most, don’t they?
Look, family and friends mean well but not everything they say should be taken as gospel.
Trust your mum instinct. It’s there, so lean into it.
In the same vein, there’s a lot of stuff online. Read it by all means, I mean I loved so many blogs hence why I started one! But it all comes back to knowing yourself, your family unit and your child to decide on the right steps for you.
Often the unsolicited advice comes at you thick and fast. It can feel quite overwhelming and make you question your approach to motherhood.
Am I doing a good job?
Am I not being a good partner?
Why don’t I seem to have the energy to tidy up my home?
Just take all those questions and journal or write a blog. It could be the best bit of free therapy you give yourself.
5. Stop buying stuff
I’m bad as it is with Amazon and purchasing things I really didn’t need before my daughter came along. When she was here, and Amazon was at my fingers tips with the one-click purchase feature, well, it became too easy.
I talk about this in 7 things you should know to stop impulse buying to help other mums who have had those night time splurges of STUFF.
The truth is babies are happy playing with some foil or wooden spoon. There are so many crafty things you can create for next to nothing, so don’t get into the habit of buying toys every time you’re out at the shops.
I’m very much still working on this one, but one thing I started to do with all the gifts I received for my daughter is to rotate them.
There’s a website called Whirli where you can order Montessori toys on subscription. It’s quite cool but being on mat leave I didn’t have the money for that so instead I decided to do my own ‘Whirli’ concept and just swap out the toys each month so it felt like she had a brand new set to choose from.
It’s been working for months now and I even enjoy it as I get to see new ones I completely forgot she had.
6. Stop stressing about breastfeeding
Finally, for the love of breastfeeding I had to include this as this was part of the reason I started this whole blog, Is there such a thing as breastfeeding grief? pretty much sums up my experience.
It is again another HUGE topic in motherhood and one where I again do think we should stop judging and move towards supporting those women who desperately want to breastfeed but for one reason or another are unable to.
It’s interesting this one, because the whole ‘a fed baby is a happy baby’ is what I was constantly told but it didn’t sit right with me when all I felt was as if I was failing the most natural thing I wanted to be able to do.
So let’s be kinder towards those who do want to and can’t. Try and share resources and support for them on that journey.
And if they decide to bottle feed that’s fine too. It’s a journey for many women and something we should be more aware of.
Related posts:
Don’t quit! Why visiting a breastfeeding cafe may help your breastfeeding journey